2/27

awake at 5:45 AM — bad
try to write something — Storyspace
write on Eurudice — link to Cocteau and myth — something on Brown — etc — everybody’s fantasy — an AP — sci fi linkages

three or four R’s of the title — autobiographical etc — on being lost in the space of the book — not finding the beginning etc — the psychopathological nature — put it all into story(space) — thousands of branching or breaking points — how much of this conference will I remember — most of the writers I’ll forget — just list names so I don’t buy the stuff although some may be good outside of a reading

limp dick — can’t masturbate myself back to sleep — dawn sky — ear buzzing

link all the body paths — the death paths — the line of hypochondria or perhaps it’s real (this time) — how shall I get this all down or done (Coover’s word shifts in Spanking the Maid — methodologies of bibliographical links — Federman Pell — Pell’s was the only reading that I really liked — the last one (for me) — what kind of reaction to McDaid — someone who has read heavily and in the same vein as me but from a totally different direction — but a direction from which I could have come — (link autobiographical element — my schooling) — link to the author — different senses — this author ‘I’ (different possibilities for that — narrator etc (something on parenthetical levels etc — different from writing spaces — types of layers)) — this real I (where am I (parenthetically))

<Providence, Rhode Island 6:09 AM — awake etc etc — there is a story here
brightening sky outside of my window (Plattsburgh, New York (I allow the commas) 9:45 AM — a bright gray sky — the winter is starting to break — a beautiful day yesterday — what is the story here — this insert which shouldn’t be here but I enter it — what rules apply to my own writing etc — what is my and what am I — or who — etc
my coffee is nearly finished — the clock flashing away the seconds — flashing not ticking — what would be the internal construct — neither sound nor sight applies — but there would be no darkness — the buzz or hum of the computer — SAM arrives)>

the ongoing biography which I hope to continue beyond death — all the [un]dead authors being carried forward (cf Derrida)
the buzzing — acute hypochondria — (link the prefix somewhere) — all the ailments I might have may be very dangerous