5/20

do something — listen to more music — make some decisions in apartment and on video tapes
distortions etc
reading The Perfect Crime — strange reading — flashes of something but I don’t really like his ‘attitude’

inward outward downward upward spirals
metaphors break down

MUSIC
techno etc has been done too well — I want to work from some process orientation

writing also

everything into some sort of process — filter Saranac — my reality (problems of buying a new car)
personal problems that aren’t really problems — do I want to own half of a $20000 car? — I think of everything 10000 could buy — but I’m not using what I have anyway

need to get into the music room and use the equipment — but why not just give up the idea — or why not give up the idea of other types of visual art — why bother with any art

toward some living process — what abstraction is art work here — where art is something different from living — what is the necessity of success or whatever since I’ve rejected all the paradigms and definitions of success (should read the new Gass novel as it might have some hints toward some sort of writing some idea of integration of my past my ideas etc)