5/10
psychic let down after New York — (pages of notes to copy) —
the feeling that a lot of shackles have been broken but not really a free feeling yet —
the idea that I don’t really want success on New York or art world terms —
that I will just make my art and go about my business and pleasure —
the sexual feeling that I don’t really want to fuck these women —
just to look at them — that I don’t really want to know people in New York and have someone to talk to etc —
there is plenty to do — I just want to go there and see things —
the feeling that I’m free of ties to the houses — that I could give up the land and the house and simply move my things elsewhere —
let it all go
time to work on the gardens etc — the pleasure is in the work — but possibly I should try to make some documentation etc
<11/21/17 the inability to give up art>
<3/15/19 see today’s entry>
5/12
finished copy of New York notes — now how where why do I go on
read Cinders in English over the weekend — started some of the French —
nearly finished The Volcano Lover — started Culler On Deconstruction —
time to go back to F/32 put aside a long time ago
didn’t get any novels in New York — time to get at the writing and not so much reading —
it’s been that time for a long time
a beautiful day so far but the forecast is for rain and cold —
haven’t really accomplished much this week but I did get some yard work done —
possibly I should go out today and get some weeding in before the weather changes