4/21

impossible to get a positive outlook —
that someone can never fit in — is that something that separates humans from other animals — can other animals feel that they are unsuited for life—
can they be that way without being able to reflect on it —
they can’t write so they can’t have some compulsion to write shit like this —

my insides are upset — i need to empty them out before going to inks lake — shitting at a camp site — how will i clean my ass — shit is disgusting — bodies are disgusting — old and gross

i don’t like getting time trapped — having a limited time to do something — 2 days to get ready — there is more than enough time but i feel constrained and that paralyse me and it takes longer than it should — maybe doing things using the computer is part of the problem —
i should walk the dogs —

impossible to relax — my mouth is tense — clenching my teeth — getting a headache —
(a weird dream about a dentist last night i don’t remember what the problem with my teeth was) —

DECK
try to think things —

what can i get rid of —
deal with collections —
i need to not think about assemblages — just objects —
storage and display — fill the bottles — (some small circuit boards should fit in jars — (underwater — see what happens — paper in water —)

wind