8/21

another day with a feeling of nothingness — no desire — no desire to do something — a strong desire to do nothing
the drive away from life — to stone or crystal — to inanimation —

ballard crystal world
drowned world
desiccated world
a vast lifeless universe
beautiful lifeless worlds —
frozen gases — molten metals —
radiation — mindless energy —
the absurdity of space and time —

5 days to get ready — for what — to go to galveston — no one else thinks like i do — to prepare for the worst — i’ll be dead — why should i give a shit now — the dogs will do OK — that’s all that should matter — all the shit we’ve collected — someone or no one will want it — it will all be gone in not very many years —

i’ll walk on the beach unless something goes wrong and i need to stay here — i don’t want to go anywhere — just become inert — crystalize

i’ve been noting dates again — when things were done — ballard’s early things and brakhage’s — early to mid 60s — i was in grade school and high school — also noting how people associate — brakhage linked to so many others — ballard not

ISO — standards
		disk image optical disk
iso = equal 	hundreds of iso… words
isolation is not one of them 
	french isolé — italian isolato
	isola island — lager insula
insular		an island death
		sol yurick
		sol = sun
	isola — sun = death = evil
		it causes cancer
		it dries things (desiccates)
		it washes out colors
	day for night 		sweet delight
				endless night 
	

do i care what happens to ‘my’ remains
what remains will not be mine
SH — into the wind off a mountain top — wind and water —
wet and dry —
carrying things away —
washing things — out to sea / see FW — rise and fall
‘i say to the wind as it blows me away’
i’m not sure where i want to go — basically nowhere —