8/10

LSD
reading Life Against Death
Women in Love — noted some of Lawrence’s misanthropy (Birkin’s) — contra Neutra and his remark that the suicide would (hesitate? stop? whatever) if he thought all man would go with him
the world without mankind — would I want to do away with mankind totally?

so many possibilities
something to explore in my book — the many loose possibilities — all beginnings as my book — so many beginnings
so many possible endings

also a lot of possibilities for the middle

the ideal would be a few (relatively) people — intelligent machines — cities with some people — mostly machines — city to be one large organism / machine — people mostly in the country — city only as experience
bridge sci-fi and Lautréamont by way of Céline

to read or to write
LSD always seems a waste now — my search for something behind — for the knowledge is not satisfied — perhaps it is from not being alone — the trips are no longer so psychological — so inward — they try to go out but I’m not basically an out person

nonsense
nonsensical

am I capable of learning facts any more — I don’t seem to be able to — I just forget more and more of what I knew

senility?
insanity?
burned out?

perhaps it is just that being away from a school atmosphere — at least from the arts and sciences for so long
was I wrong — one of those moot points of history
pulsing head

new day dawn — pretty time