10/7

a lot of notes written in Houston — didn’t really miss the computer at all

nothing resolved about art and what i’m going to do — felt good while there but was ready to come home after about 5 days — didn’t really calm myself much — still feel stressed and anxious

but i look at the situation — my situation — and there is nothing to be stressed or anxious about

<i> just need to calmly work through the house remod and keep thinking about art

i wanted to do a large project a year starting this year — maybe i could consider the year from birthday to birthday that would give me half a year — thinking this year’s art should be some sort of documentary piece
i don’t know why i’m having such a hard time deciding what i want to do
i want to do too many things — the problem is not what i want to do but what do i want to do most

what do i enjoy
i prefer the gathering and sorting to the actual construction of art works — so maybe i should just concentrate on that
but i have some image of large works — deconstruction pieces etc — something that uses the cabinet that i took out of the quail house etc

but i can i imagine that on the wall

a cabinet that opens and has some pipe fittings and other things inside
i like the colors -- kv used paint that i had found and used in my paintings of a few years ago — i think i’ll save the paint
not sure if i want to call the panel pieces finished or go back to work on them
i discarded all the unpainted panels so if i work on them it would be on the ones that already have been started

can i just photograph the things — that is the problem
again — when i look at art i almost always am looking at a photograph — i have seen works by Rauschenberg so i have some idea of what the pieces look like — how necessary is that experience — is a book on Rauschenberg effective for someone who has never seen the works