10/24 p3

finished ellen ulmann book a couple of days ago — i like this book — as much as i’m fascinated by programming i’m glad that i never was a programmer
in general i’m not unhappy with the direction of my life — it’s probably been better than most peoples including (maybe especially) artists
there was something that i totally disliked about the culture that brought about the high tech bubble —

some greed and selfishness
some narrow vision

working long hours etc etc — work hard play hard — make a lot of money and get drunk and pass around cigars — like getting drunk on expensive wine is all that much better than getting drunk on rot gut liquor

another bad day and there is no sense in keeping track of time — i obviously have problems that i don’t want to deal with — i get upset too easily
how do i control that — i don’t want more drugs

a feeling of why bother — didn’t go to see an art show that i wanted to see
a feeling of never wanting to see another art piece
a feeling that i should take everything that i have and throw it away (and not start over)

maybe just travel — and not bring anything home
(but we have the dogs and cats)

wasting away the evening — start over tomorrow
force myself to put in a full days work
looking at photos — it seems that i should be able to do something with them — some are pretty good