4/18

another bad day —

i want to do nothing but i can’t resist looking at max msp
i should get rid of some things today — just start
i can’t stop thinking about making assemblages — something made from rebar on pinterest made me thing of using that — what is this art sickness
i should be totally sick of art
just look at what i have and have nothing else to do with it — no museums no galleries — no new artists — look at pinterest but view things as images not art

what can i get rid of — i keep giving myself time (‘give’ oneself ‘time’ — a stupid expression) to do something — one more try —
i can’t even show my notes to kim — who would care — get real — so what {can / should} i do —

feeling this is going to be a bad day — take a couple of pills —

i’m not interested in things —
i don’t like things —
i’m tired of organizing books — i’m tired of books —

i don’t want to go anywhere and
i don’t want to stay here —
i don’t want to buy things
i don’t want to go to the coffee shop —
i don’t want to look at people —

trying to deal with writing — i lose track of things — font tests — what font to use

what next —

i don’t want to look at anything
i don’t want to face anything —

die with everything or die with nothing —
think about libraries — books & music —