6/26 p2

the beauty that surrounds me — the cabinets — oak and concrete — we have very few ‘guests and no one seems to appreciate it — i think that’s part of my wanting another person in the house — to have someone want to be here because of the beauty of the place —

the concept / problem of inheritance — of having an heir —
thinking that it will all dissipate (isn’t that what i ‘want’ — what my thinking leads to — but i want it to remain (the same? — but it’s never the same — it constantly changes — we change it (not constantly but often)

today i need to look at hotels — things that are easy that i have such a hard time doing —

fidget day — because i need to do hotel planning and i need to put that off for a while —
tired — didn’t sleep well — maybe i need a short nap —

set times -
all the things i want to do —
all the time i sit and think about all the things i want to do — what does it mean — to want [to do] something
what does ‘to do’ mean

not sure why things are so difficult for me — to just choose a hotel and make reservations — i have to look — walk around — look again — walk around — etc
i can use my new (found) fidget spinner — i don’t like the color but it works

i should go upstairs and take some photos — or do that down here — get the lights and the camera mount set up —