3/11

morning — everything is wrong
socks & boots for the dogs — don’t fit and don’t do anything — vets are stupid — i have to deal with prescriptions & pharmacies for K and the dogs — K avoids things — i can’t —
i keep feeling i should go on — i punch holes in some blank paper to make a notebook —
3/19 — spring — always some new deadline — (why am i writing this — for whom — (bothering — everything bothers me — negativity))
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i keep buying things — no desire — reflex actions — yesterday i bought a box — art material — a bottle of something - i don’t know what — stones — goodwill — 2 lamps that match the ones we have in the living room — for the ‘music’ & computer desk — music things i’ll never use because i don’t have the talent required for music and i have no drive or desire —

learn things to keep the mind active — so it can die later — later than what —
why postpone things — putting off death — the end of mind - of body —
what do i want —
concentrate
meditate — what do i desire — should i try to do something or just throw everything away —
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made a scratch sheet — mostly negativity —
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looked at goodwill things i bought yesterday — thinking i should photograph which implies i should go on —

try to turn things — toward positive — clean up the garage instead of despairing — spend the day working — one thing at a time —
daylight savings time — loses AM time gains PM time — it’s nice to have more evening time — but the morning is cooler — wait for light & take the dogs out — work on the fence —
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