3/18

depression? — or lack of desire —
started to do some photography but couldn’t get the lighting set up — i don’t want to buy studio lamps or anything else — this constant need to have one more thing —
finished everett by russell — (wrote ‘by’ as ‘yb’ — what’s wrong with my brain —
i could get the saw out and cut some stands or boxes but i won’t be happy with them —
i am not happy — i should be used to it — 70+ years of not being happy — doing things without reason — rationalizing what isn’t rational (trying to rationalize — impossible —)

3/20

first of spring i had planned on things and didn’t do them as usual — so i start over instead of quitting (which would be the ‘smart’ thing to do (punctuation — use brackets instead of quotes?))

a major flood this morning — took a few hours out of my day
i can’t measure things by positives — just negatives

floor flooded — fortunately we don’t have wood or carpet
car totaled — fortunately kim wasn’t injured
a destructive winter storm — at least our power stayed on and our water running

pm
another emotional breakdown — i have no life outside of kim and the dogs — i don’t know why i keep trying